Drinking Drama

The members of my biological family never had a night life so I never knew that there are creatures on earth that can stay up 20 hours a day spending more than half of that time transfusing alcohol into their veins. I have only fairly recently learned of their existence and I have discovered that in their eyes, I am the mythical creature. Where the heck have I come from? Have I never heard of beer and clubbing before? Ummm… no.

I never drink with these new friends of mine because I can’t. I’m allergic to beer so I am often reduced to being called a guest relations officer (GRO) and to listening to their growing insanity. Of course, I don’t appreciate their chauvinistic manners but I stick around because it’s amusing to hear men sob about their life stories, the same ones I can easily record with a mobile phone and use to blackmail them.

You won’t believe that men, who look like Jim Carey but feel like Sylvester Stallone, actually have so much drama in their lives that they’d probably make some cash if they sold their life stories to a TV drama scout.

My favorite generic tale is about the nagging wife waiting at home with an ax or the verbal equivalent of it, ready to slash her husband’s pride (or his manhood) into half. The stories of daily married life are all almost the same. The wife has no job, stays at home all day and still expects to get all of her husband’s wages. The poor unfortunate husband has no other recourse than to refrain from coming home, preferring instead to drown his sorrows in a pool of fermented grain.

I don’t know if the stories are true but if they are, I wonder why they ever married their wives. They can’t use the excuse that the women changed as soon as they became wives. I personally know that SOME of these women have always been clingy naggers whose favorite pastimes were to read their boyfriends’ phone inboxes and react to every female name in them. I would expect that the guys knew that. So why did they still get married? Maybe there’s another version to the popular generic tale I haven’t heard of before– the one where the husbands are the villains.

*Photo credit goes to Vener, one of my UNMARRIED online buddies who also loves fermented grain.