Politics

It’s almost election season again, a time for cripplingly long lines and tall tales. Sadly, while most of us will probably be forced to marinate in candidates’ assorted vats of lies, not all of us will be given the privilege to cast our votes for our preferred liar. “No bio no boto” stands.

I almost didn’t make it though, and it was partly my fault.

I do not do anything at the last minute. I am, moreover, so anal retentive that I quadruple check anything I’d already done, which is why it came as a surprise to me that I decided to depart from my usual insanity.

For some inexplicable reason, I trusted in the system. I registered years ago, and in my voter’s certification, they printed my signature, thumbprint and the face of the first functional zombie on earth.

I was therefore quite distressed to find my name among the list of voters without biometrics a week before the deadline for voters’ registration.  I suspected that it might have been my otherworldly beauty that may have led Comelec staff to doubt that I was human.

Regardless of the reason, I made up my mind to line up the following day to show my certificate of proof that I am a voter in possession of a face. This is despite the fact that, with very little time left to registrants, the lines would likely redefine despair, patience and fortitude all in one day.

By the way, can anyone remind me why do we do this? Why do we voluntarily subject ourselves to such a painful inconvenience when we always end up electing officials who torture us with inane or corrupt governance anyway?

I do not know why. I suppose Filipinos are simply eternally hopeful that eventually we’ll hit the mark. Unfortunately, the last time we did this, we mistook PNoy’s shiny pate as the bullseye and missed by a mile entirely.

So, armed with a dose of determination and a layer of hope imbibed from listening to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing on perpetual loop, I marched to the registration area the next day, only to discover that there were no separate sets of numbers for inquiries, new registrants and registered voters without biometrics. We all had the same queue and the last priority number had been given at 6 a.m.

Those of us who persisted in inquiring, gathered like lost sheep at the exit, united in our mutual cluelessness. With the seasoned tutelage of Manong Guard, our self-appointed shepherd who had hitherto been intent on making sure none of us went over his imaginary fence, we eventually devised a fishing game to reel in passing Comelec staff to gang up on (with the meekness of a gang of sheep of course). We appointed official bait who we threw at our prospects.

Two catches later and our group had grown considerably smaller, with most of the sheep marching home sheared… err, verified. My situation however, had gotten murky. Our first catch declared that my certificate was enough proof that I had the all clear to vote for my choice of clowns in next year’s cirque de gobierno. Our second catch however, said I had no biometrics despite the printed proof to the contrary.

Manong guard had a word of sage advice for us few remaining disconsolate sheep: We should line up at 2 a.m. the next day so we could be the first in line for priority numbers at 6 a.m.

I could almost hear Heneral Luna hollering his now immortal question in my ear, “Bayan o sarili?! (Country or self?!)”

Such a difficult question. Can I use a lifeline please?

The predominant feeling was disappointment, but I have, these past years, been decidedly dissuading myself from the immediate urge to complain about public service. First, because it isn’t always the public servants’ fault. In this case, we were given 18 months to sort ourselves out, but many chose to do so only at the last minute. Second, because not all government employees take one hour to finish their 15 minute breaks while queues simmer in high blood pressure. There may have been flaws in the local systems they chose to adopt, but the local Comelec staff clearly worked seriously and diligently.

With no solution in sight, I trudged home defeated, and in a twisted attempt to relieve my disappointment, I took to Twitter to bask in the despair of other voters. Fellow blogger, Vic ended up tagging Comelec’s James Jimenez in a tweet I made in reply to one of his. Naturally, I thought nothing of it. You simply do not expect people of consequence to take notice of little people (although technically speaking, years of stress eating has made me anything but little).

To my utter shock, Jimenez asked for the details of my problem and had Ms. L from his office call me long distance from Manila. I was astounded. It was as if I was in the middle of a bizarre late night telenovela where everything was so absurd that nothing made sense. Someone from up the top was personally trying to help me.

Succeeding referrals from Ms. L to Ms. M and Ms. H of their local offices finally revealed the reason behind the discrepancy in my records. Apparently, my file had been deactivated due to death. More importantly, it wasn’t my fault, Ms. H said. It was involuntary manslaughter on their part.

Get up. Time to vote.

My husband rejoiced at the news because it meant I never had to pay taxes again — I was dead after all. To his dismay, I opted to rise from the dead with the help of Ms. H who had restored my biometrics.

And I lived happily ever after… I wish. I might still end up with a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, voting for loonies we’d end up suffering under for the next six years, again.

But really, the highlight of this story is Jimenez. This should teach me not to lose faith in our public servants. Hallelujah! There are still some good ones out there. Here’s hoping that next elections, we put more of them where they can help.

The botched police operation in Mamasapano, Maguindanao that led to the brutal deaths of SAF troopers has left a potent cocktail mix of emotions in me. Forty-four brave sons for the head of international terrorist Marwan. I knew none of the troopers personally, and yet I grieve in this awful state of anger, devastation and frustration. If you love this country, you will understand why this has left a bitter sting on my consciousness.

Of course I am saddened for the bereaved families, but there is an overarching awareness of another loss. The Fallen 44 were among the best and bravest who would have constructively contributed through their work and character to the task of reviving an ailing nation. We need people like them. We’ve already lost too many of our brightest minds, artists, athletes and workers to foreign shores because our government has neglected to nurture their dreams.

As if this loss wasn’t enough, the incident has had a ripple effect, touching and exposing a multitude of sensitive points, ranging from doubts about the soundness of government leadership to fears about the outcome of peace talks with the MILF. This is what some of us fail to see even as thousands have already freely expressed their sentiments.

The problem is not that we all have an opinion. It’s that many have opinions formed on the basis of digestive gas, and social media gives us the license to throw out incomplete or misguided thoughts like bits of fecal matter on an already gangrenous situation.

If you must have an opinion, you should at least read a little, analyze and ask questions. If you don’t know where to start, here’s a reading guide:

1. Who was Marwan and why were they after him?

Malaysian bomb maker Zulkifli bin Hir, also known as Marwan, was an engineer trained in the United States. He was believed to have headed a Malaysian terrorist organization and was a member of the Jemaah Islamiyah. He is suspected of having had a hand in the 2002 Bali bombings, killing 202 people. Local media suggests he had ties with the ISIS.

Read:
Wanted by the FBI: Zulkifli Abdhir
‘High likelihood’ suspected Bali bomber among dead in Philippines clashes, official says

2. Who was directing the operation against Marwan?

Suspended PNP chief General Alan Purisima has denied having directed the operations, declaring that his role was limited to providing the intelligence packet. If you listen between the lines of Aquino and Purisima’s statements, the blame seems to be pointed at a smaller goat, relieved SAF chief Getulio Napeñas, Jr. 

Is it acceptable that none of the top brass seem eager to take responsibility for what happened?

Incidentally, Aquino was in Zamboanga when the slaughter happened. Can you honestly believe he was just there by chance?

Read:
‘Purisima planned it all’
Purisima denies hand in Mamasapano operation
Aquino’s February 26 speech after Purisima’s resignation

3. Why was the military unable to provide reinforcements?

PNP OIC General Leandro Espina and AFP chief-of-staff General Gregorio Catapang knew months ago that there were plans to arrest Marwan, but they had not known of the exact details of the actual January 25 operation. Espina’s request for military reinforcement was made only during the actual fight.

Bitter ampalaya balls have been thrown between the PNP and the AFP but again, it’s important to read statements carefully. It seems clear that the operation was kept so tightly under wraps that coordination became difficult during the actual encounter. It has been suggested however, that secrecy was crucial for the success of the operation.

Read:
The Mamasapano operation: He said, he said, he said
SAF chief: I am responsible
AFP chief sheds tears for fallen PNP-SAF cops

4. What could have happened if the military got involved?

The situation was complicated by an existing ceasefire agreement between the MILF and the government. If the military got involved, could they have endangered peace talks with the MILF?

Read:
Where were the military troops?
Why the military did not reinforce SAF

5. If there is a ceasefire agreement, why was the MILF involved?

The forces that clashed with SAF troopers included members of the BIFF, MILF and private armies. The BIFF is a splinter faction that separated from the MILF in 2010 over disagreements in the peace process. Only the MILF has a standing agreement with the government.

Notwithstanding the agreement, MILF Chariman Murad Ebrahim said that in reality, once there is a common enemy, everyone joins in. Moreover, the MILF and BIFF have members who are either relatives or friends, making it difficult for one group to completely sever ties.

Read/Watch:
BIFF on MILF unit: ‘We’re all family’
MILF Chairman Murad Ebrahim – watch 2:18

6. If the BIFF and the MILF have close ties, what kind of peace will there be in Central Mindanao?

This remains to be seen if the Bangsamoro Basic Law is passed and takes effect, but you can just imagine…

7. If the MILF are eager to shake hands with the government, why did they allow a known terrorist to roam freely in their area of influence?

Marwan lived in Central Mindanao for twelve years, taking three Filipino wives and forming ties with a number of terrorist groups. The key word here is “ties”. If the MILF tried to aggressively ferret him out, would they have stepped on certain relationships that were not in their best interests to run over?

Read:
Marwan’s ties that bind: Aljebir Adzhar aka Embel
Marwan’s ties that bind: Ren-Ren Dongon

8. Why are the authorities being faulted for not coordinating the MILF if they felt they had good reason not to?

The implementing guidelines of the ceasefire agreement stipulate the need for government forces to coordinate with the MILF for planned operations in their area. Former GPH Peace Panel Chairman Jesus Dureza however, said that this excludes operations against high priority targets. The current government peace panel has labeled Dureza’s statement as misleading.

Wait. What?! The term “required” is a little disturbing. Areas occupied by the MILF are still under Philippine territory. We are a sovereign nation. Can’t the government enforce the law in its own territory without the requirement to coordinate?

Read:
SAF did not have to inform MILF
Govt panel: Coordination with MILF required even in pursuit of high-value targets
Lacson’s supposed opinion on sovereignty – paragraph 6 (source unverified)

9. Is everything okay now that Marwan has supposedly been neutralized?

Marwan’s cohort and fellow bomb maker, Abdul Basit Usman is still at large. Marwan also reportedly trained 300 bomb makers in Central Mindanao. Moreover, the government now has the BIFF, who have threatened to launch attacks, to contend with.

Read:
Marwan leaves behind 300 bomb makers in Mindanao
BIFF vows more attacks

10. Will passing the Bangsamoro law finally bring peace and put an end to the troubles plaguing Central Mindanao?

Much depends on whether the MILF can police their ranks and contain those who are relatives with or sympathetic to the BIFF who are in turn sympathetic to suspected terrorists.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though, because the Bangsamoro Agreement is still up for debate. Constitutional expert, Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago says that creating a substate, which the Agreement suggests, is unconstitutional. Moreover, the existing ARMM is mandated by the constitution and cannot simply be abolished to give way to the Bangsamoro law.

My Opinion: The constitution is the supreme law. If we cannot respect it, no law is sacred.

Already, we are seeing vestiges of this substate. In the video shared in #5, Ebrahim said that if any of the MILF fighters involved in the Mamasapano clash are found in the wrong, they will not be turned over to government authorities, but will be tried in their own courts.

It’s worth noting though, that all out war doesn’t seem to be an easy alternative to a questionable peace agreement. According to GMA News research, armed conflict in Mindanao has lead to the deaths of 120,000 people from 1970 to 1996 and to physical and cultural displacement.

The effects of armed conflict go beyond Mindanao. There will be economic consequences that will affect the rest of the country.

Read:
Miriam: Bangsamoro Agreement Unconstitutional
Bangsamoro law cannot abolish ARMM, says ex-solon
Armed conflict, malaki ang epekto sa kalidad ng buhay ng mga komunidad

The SAF 44 did more than fulfill their mission. Their deaths pushed more Filipinos into seeing the bigger picture— the enormity of the difficulties and issues facing Mindanao and the rest of the country.

Knowing our government’s track record, I do not expect that the brave Fallen 44 will ever be given conventional justice. The best justice we ordinary citizens can give them is to pay better attention to the events that threaten to push our country into a deeper pit and to become more involved. Our nation’s future depends on our decisions. Let’s start by picking leaders in 2016 who have our country’s best interests in mind and the skill to steer us out of this quagmire we’re in.

Rest in peace Fallen 44. May we do justice to your sacrifice.

I’ve been derailed. Around a month ago, we had two weeks of spotty internet connection, supposedly due to damage to undersea internet cables. The thought of the little mermaid cutting lengths of cable for her collection came to mind. Just as an onset of conscience convinced her to return the stolen cables, our city descended into the wholly warm, occasionally dark realm of rotational blackouts — 3 to 7.5 hours a day. The lady at the power company’s customer care table remarked at our good fortune considering that other places in Mindanao endure 12-hour blackouts. I’d give two AA batteries to anyone who can guess the expression on my face when she said that.

I tried to fit my usual long online work hours and childcare into insane schedules to work around the blackouts. There was a point though when I began to feel myself progressively transforming into one giant, tense, purple nerve, ready to snap at the slightest poke.

Naturally, I’ve had to control myself. To vent off some steam, I’d march to the closet and scream. I’ve since sent the bogeyman running to his mother crying, “Mom there’s a nerve in my closet.”

Staying in control is important because I get the impression that complaining isn’t fashionable here. The last time I complained was when our garbage collectors disappeared into some void, leaving us close to cultivating the first maggot farm in the city due to uncollected trash. I was told I shouldn’t have filed a complaint and that I should just wait patiently for whenever authorities choose to take action.

Wait a doggone minute. Am I not a citizen of a country with one of the highest tax rates in Asia? If I can’t enjoy reliable basic services in spite of the taxes I pay, can I at least be entitled to the right to send maggots to government officials for Christmas?

We Filipinos are famous for our ability to cheerfully and ingeniously survive the worst kinds of adversity, but there is a danger to this skill. We run the risk of always accepting that we are slaves to circumstances, whatever they may be, and that there is nothing we can do.

Just because we are a happy people and we can live through the worst times, it doesn’t mean our default response should be to accept every piece of shit thrown at us. Can we not demand for accountability too? I suggest we nominate members to the Government Association of Greedy Officials (GAGO for short) and send them on prolonged field trips to Mindanao during rotational brownouts.

Of course it’s not just GAGO members that we should be taking to task. We are after all, responsible for putting them where they are. Does that make us eligible for membership to the TANGA club?

Bonus Rant: If you want to understand how electricity is generated and distributed in the Philippines, why it’s so expensive and why we consumers sit in the dark waiting for the light long after God gave humankind the intelligence to generate it, watch this video from Rappler.

What’s scarier than a Red Bull overdosed zombie? It’s a Red Bull overdosed Bureau of Internal Revenue (BIR) Commissioner Kim Henares. The lady is an absolute maniac— er— machine; running after tax evaders, left, right, in, on, over and under; utilizing the full extent of the law to squeeze the last cent from every taxable entity. From what I’ve heard, that includes the dead and people who just happen to accidentally come across money lying on the street. I wouldn’t be surprised if she manages to uncover some obscure legal basis for taxing animals, inanimate objects and fictional characters.

Starring Kim Henares

Do consider though, she’s just doing her job and within legal boundaries, which is exactly what we demand from other government officials moonlighting as clowns/thieves/scoundrels. Personally, I’m not the type who complains about things I can’t change and taxes are as inevitable as stress in a call center.

Acceptance for the tax man’s job however, does not mean I take great pleasure in paying taxes. I would equate the experience to having to run a marathon in five inch stilettos, doable but painful and frustrating, and it’s not because of the maddeningly high figures taxpayers have to pay. The real reasons why I am regularly visited by nightmarish visions of a nude Henares atop Miley Cyrus’ wrecking ball are the convoluted payments systems and the knowledge of where my payments go.

Tax payment systems here are a labyrinth of epic proportions. You will get lost. You will weep and pull your hair. There will be a lot of BIR personnel to ask information from but they’ve all majored in ancient languages and will insist on explaining what you need to do in Latin.

Just when you’ve begun to learn the when, where, how and why of it all; they’ll add levels of difficulties in the form of new regulations, policies and requirements so that you will once again start rocking back and forth, dazed, confused and a shadow of your former self. Cases in point are this year’s new rules on receipts and withholding taxes, non compliance with which will probably land businesses and professionals directly in front of Henares’ ball(s).

For Kim, nearly everything is taxable. Photo from Pesos and Sense.

Despite all this soul crushing convolution, I would still have happily complied if I knew my money was put to good public use. As matters stand however, mine is compliance minus the happiness. There is simply no joy in knowing I’m paying for some politician’s daughter’s Hermes collection while many of my fellow Filipinos who should be benefiting from my taxes wallow in hell on earth.

I’d imagine that because our taxes aren’t going where they should, Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua might just be enjoying better food, water and living conditions than many Filipinos. Heck, the lucky dog might even be receiving better education.

It’s almost Christmas. Why am I thinking like this? I should be thinking of less distressing thoughts like the prospect of walking into a lion’s den or falling into a snake pit, but there are no holidays for the tax lady. Already we’re preparing new accounting books and papers for next year’s labyrinth.

Merry Christmas to you too Kim.

Janet Napoles should get a Guinness record for most evasive maneuvers in a senate hearing. No amount of prodding, imploring and veiled begging could cure Napoles’ severely impaired memory in relation to the ten billion Pork Barrel scam.

You could have gotten more juice out of a raisin than information out of Napoles

The senators employed a variety of interrogation strategies. To paraphrase and recap some of the more notable ones:

• Santiago’s strategy: You poor little thing. Let me help you. Here are your legal options. Now tell the truth before the mastermind, whose initials by the way are JPE, assassinates you. Take revenge while you’re still alive. (Patayin sa Sindak si Barbara Janet)
• Escudero’s strategy: I’ve read and watched every single interview you’ve given to the media. I know everything, including what you did last summer, so don’t lie to me. (Big Brother ang peg)
• Poe’s strategy: The all merciful God will forgive you, so tell the truth. (To the tune of: Ipagpatawad Mo)
• Cayetano’s strategy: Can you please implicate the people who have wronged me? (To the tune of Nanggigigil Kami)

Image from 8list.ph

To all these, Napoles repeatedly replied:

• I don’t know (Hindi ko alam)
• That’s not true
• I can’t remember
• I invoke my right

Reminds me of pop songs. Repeat four lines of lyrics for two minutes until fade, but imagine listening to the same four lines for six hours! And after all that, what did the senators gain?

Nothing.

The hearing was not intended to establish the guilt or innocence of Napoles and others allegedly involved in the scam. It was supposed to have been conducted in aid of legislation so that the senators could craft better laws to prevent future similar scams. I can’t imagine now what kind of legislation they can form out of that session. Maybe they can pass a law that will make the statement “I invoke my right” illegal in senate hearings if the invoker can’t pronounce self-in-cri-mi-na-tion along with it.

Napoles making her cheat sheet before the senate hearing.

But come on, we’d be kidding ourselves if we think the senators were thinking of legislative work when they questioned Napoles. You could see from the way some of them ground their teeth to dust in frustration that what they were after was a confession from her and for her to name names, but Napoles did not crack.

If anything, she may have been successful at showing she needed more serious medical attention. She may have been lobotomized and is suffering from severe amnesia or she may have become delusional, creating a fantasy world for herself. In her insane, upside down world she thinks:

• scams are fairy tales;
• thieving senators deserve tea and sympathy; and
• people with 7 cars and 3 houses (daw) like herself are considered not rich

Now that we’ve wasted six hours of our lives listening to Napoles’ ala pop song chorus reply, what are we to expect next? They say the senate might call Napoles or her husband back in for another round of questioning. My tip to Napoles: She should study and adopt Pinocchio’s method of evading questions which he demonstrated in the movie Shrek. Those who have tried his technique swear that it’s guaranteed to prevent noses from growing while lying.

Watch the senate hearing replay here:

A couple of days ago, we were all on the lookout for Janet Napoles. Well, she has finally surfaced. Which lines do you think President Aquino sang the night she surrendered?

Is she going to sing Lord, Patawad, or is this just her Instagram look up photo? Original photo by Rodolfo Manabat.

Which brings us to the question: Will it all soon be over when the fat lady sings? Hardly. We’ve only just begun. She faces charges for the illegal detention of the pork barrel scam whistleblower, Benhur Luy. She has yet to face charges for allegedly stealing our money. She has yet to expose the congressmen and senators involved in all this and then these legally sanctioned hoodlums have yet to face the gallows.

At the rate we’re going, I have a higher chance of being crowned the queen of England than seeing this issue resolved in this century. Just like so many other political scandals that have unfolded before us, this one might just become the latest instalment to The Never Ending Story, following these yet unresolved cases: the Jose Pidal account, the NBN-ZTE deal, the fertilizer fund scam and the AFP corruption scandal.

In the meantime, as the story unfolds, we all wonder if Napoles will be the next Philippine Top Model in a wheelchair? Every high profile individual who has been suspected of corruption has used the wheelchair strategy before.

Our only real hope is for the Filipino people to never forget the injustice done to us but we all know Filipinos have a combined memory the size of a peanut. Tomorrow, will we forget that our lawmakers stole our money and go back to regular programming? It’ll be an easy switch from the heightened awareness channel back to the mind-numbing telenovela channel where our collective intelligence is frequently stolen in installments as well.

My parents once offered me advice on how to get rich.

Mom’s tip: Start your own school.
Dad’s tip: Start your own religion.

Napoles in her “wanted” photo

Now that I’ve grown in wisdom and sarcasm, I’ve got my own piece of advice for would be millionaires: Start your own fake non government organization (NGO).

Clearly, I got my irreverent streak from my dad, but I’m really only half joking. After all, that is supposedly how Janet Napoles made her billions.

Napoles allegedly created fake NGOs that each became the recipient of a number of law makers’ Priority Development Assistance Funds (PDAF/pork barrel), then purportedly split the funds between herself and the Legion of Doom in senate and congress. Thus was born by covert caesarian section, the 10 billion peso pork barrel scam.

Tagle: Send them to the slums (photo by Baltazar)

It’s in instances like this when I feel the pain of paying taxes most acutely. I pay with my blood, sweat, tears and sanity every year, only to find out that other people are living la vida loca with my taxes.

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Like me and countless other taxpayers and citizens, Cardinal Tagle is also heart broken over this. He suggests that those involved in the controversy should immerse themselves among informal settlers so they’ll see for themselves how the poor live. I’ve got an even better suggestion. For those found guilty, their penalty should be permanent immersion.

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As of this writing, Napoles is apparently in hiding and the authorities are hot on her heels with a warrant of arrest in relation to the illegal detention case of scam whistleblower Benhur Luy. The PNP has joined the NBI in the chase. In my city, the police might be looking for her underground.

Police 250 meters… underground? Are they looking for Napoles there?

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While we all wait, I suggest movie producers take this chance to revive the action/suspense movie genre and produce a film based on recent events. Since our movies are notorious for having total title rip offs, this movie’s title options should be promising:

1. Catch Me If You Can (cameo by Leonardo DiCaprio OR Cesar Mancao)
2. Where’s Wally Janet?
3. Finding Nemo Janet (cameo by Nemo in a fishbowl)
4. Nasaan Ka, Elisa Janet? 
5. The Untold Story: Pork Barrel Scam – God Have Mercy On Us (by Carlo Caparas)

Yes, I excel in making fun of heartbreaking news but if you want to experience depression, go ahead and read these news articles for the story so far:

Pork Barrel Scam: A Billion a Year
What Made Cardinal Tagle Cry
PNP Joins the Hunt for Napoles