Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Rockets, Ships and Transgender Miss Universe

a mic named Mike
Mike will soon be able to declare his desire for world peace on the Miss U stage

Last week’s top three news items:

#1 – NoKor’s rocket launch

Yes it failed but before it did, it sent neighboring Asian countries into red alert status. While South Korea and Japan prepared their defense systems, National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council (NDRRMC) director Benito Ramos could do nothing more than demonstrate to media how to detach ballpen caps.

"Imagine this ballpen is a rocket. This here is the part that comes off. Now you better pray you aren’t unlucky enough to be the one in 92 million Filipinos who gets a surprise rocket part."

In fairness to the NDRRMC, rumor has it that they did send a team of specialists over to areas at risk. These specialists are pros in patintero a local game crucial in training residents proper evasive maneuvers. Trainees were asked to look up while darting right and left just like in patintero. If the rocket part is falling your way, simply dart to the left or right.

Taken from Bogart the Explorer's FB page

#2 – Philippines vs. China standoff at Scarborough Shoal

Chinese fishing vessels and the Philippine’s ancient flagship the BRP Gregorio del Pilar were caught in a standoff on the disputed waters of Scarborough Shoal. Vintage is good and classy but not when it’s in reference to a warship that is the only thing standing between us and China’s wrath.

In an effort to diffuse the situation, President Aquino vowed to resolve the issue through diplomatic channels. That’s obvious enough even to a sixth grader. Armed with nothing but the naval equivalent of a slingshot, we really have no choice.

#3 – Transgender contestants in Miss Universe

Because we know there is nothing our government can do in the face of rocket debris and Chinese fishermen, our citizens saw it best to devote most of their intellectual energies to the scholarly debates over the issue of transgender contestants in Miss Universe.

Surprisingly, I have no opinion about the matter, just the observation that when standing beside my transgender hairstylist I, a natural born female, look like an ugly little boy. That is either a testament to how ugly I am or how beautiful he is. Believe me, it’s the latter. My point is that transgender women are so stunningly beautiful, I wonder if a natural born female will ever win the crown again.

What is the essence of a woman? Answer: Maybe the absence of balls.

11 comments:

  1. these were all over the news last week. #1 got my attention the most. Good thing it failed :)

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  2. Haha Your last paragraph made me LOL especially this line "
    What is the essence of a woman? Answer: Maybe the absence of balls." HAHA anyway great post!

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  3. You got me laughing on your last line. My gosh! Haha!

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  4. i got the korean rocket news thru my friend from California in one of our phone conversation.it is scary how this country can do damage into our country and kababayan.But God will not let it happen even if we have the useless government officials.And the gay thing, sure is ,these transexuals are far more beautiful than the real women.

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  5. Natawa ako sa last paragraph! Pero pwede, pwede! Ha ha.
    Ako I already have thoughts regarding the transgenders joining pero I'm not too sure how I truly feel about it yet

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  6. The rocket launch is a big fail, and the unrest that it brought is just saddening.

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  7. Hahaha. You got the perfect answer for "What is the essence of being a woman?" I love it. Hahaha. You made me laugh the whole moment I was reading your post.

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  8. Great humor in there. I wonder what's next after Miss Universe for the transgenders. Miss World? Miss International? :(

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  9. "What is the essence of a woman? Answer: Maybe the absence of balls."

    This is the BEST news...
    Funny but TRUE.
    There should be a particular contest for transgender.
    It's unfair for REAL female to compete with them.

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  10. hahaha, maybe the exec. should create a pageant for transgenders.

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  11. hahahahahah! the last line got me laughing! makes perfect sense! lol!

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