Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Losing the Battle with the Bulge


You can't hold a gym LIABLE for any losses including the loss of self-esteem due to the lack of results.

I wish I could hold someone or something liable for my infinitesimal progress at the gym and my waning interest in hammer curls and reverse crunches. I wish I could blame it on my instructor's total lack of concern over my Herculean struggle to repetitively lift 4 lb. dumbbells or on the gym's ancient electricity-free equipment (I strongly suspect they inherited these from Fred Flintstone), but I can't.

My failure to fit the clothes of yore is entirely my fault. You see, I can endure displacing my bowels with 15 straight sets of ab exercises but I can't stand having to park my brain for a few minutes to run on a treadmill.

I can't survive with my brain on screen saver mode. It constantly needs to have something to process. I try to process the images of the aero dancers in front of me into useful pieces of information, but all I can think of is me on that dance floor looking like a limp cow in a herd of gazelles.

I need to learn to mentally shut down or I will lose the battle with the bulge.

11 comments:

  1. Haha, you don't have to mentally shut down. Try to convince your dance aero teacher to let you dance to the rhythmic beat of a T.H. White or Anton Chekov audiobook. :) Anyhoo, you could always try yoga. It's not as easy as it looks but it's good for your body and your mind.
    -MaryFGR

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  2. Disagree with audiobook idea.
    Odd rhythm to crunch to, literature.

    Also disagree with Yoga suggestion.
    It requires 'clearing' the mind,
    which is the dilemma here, right?

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  3. I think it's healthy to turn off your brain at least for a few minutes in a day. And maybe you shouldn't toss out exercising to literature just yet. Try jogging or even dancing to poetry audiobooks. The kind of peotry with a real rhythmic beat to it. And if you really want to be productive while you exercise, I hear doing normal household chores can be enough to burn calories you need to stay fit and healthy. :)
    -MaryFGR

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  4. If that's the case Mary, I should already be thin as a rake now. Remember I have two monkeys in the house and they each have to be carried around or played with for extended periods of time but instead of losing weight, I seem to be gaining. Eeps.

    My boss suggests listening to audios of his interviews while exercising. :D

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  5. Oh if raising kids were an exercise, there would be a video of women in leotards at a gym instucting you how to lift your baby to develop your biceps.:D
    Why? is you boss Larry King or does he sound like Richard Simmons when he does interviews?
    -MaryFGR

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  6. Actually, to be honest, I did get great biceps because of my eldest kid but it's the abs and triceps that are difficult to form...

    My boss is a marketing fanatic... His interviews are supposed to help me sell better :D

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  7. WOW! the wit and humor made my day! i enjoy reading your posts!

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  8. Hehe. Thanks looney planeteer. I enjoyed reading your posts too. :)

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  9. The best way to train is to have a gym buddy or a close friend and to pick an instructor who is dedicated to help people.

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  10. I had 2 gym buddies once. Unfortunately, they quit. :D

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  11. This is funny. They used the word reliable instead of liable.

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