Saturday, April 16, 2011

Vanity Attack

Some people set a thin line between vanity and good grooming. For example, I’ve been given the advice that before applying for a job, one must pluck one’s eyebrows and apply makeup because these are components of good grooming. That’s news to me. I grew up in an environment where anything beyond washing one’s face was considered vain. Yeah, for the nth time, I had lots of nuns in my BFF list.

I still don’t “groom” myself very well despite the good advice of other friends who don’t hang out in cloisters. The last time I put on makeup was five years ago when co-workers convinced me that the only way for customers to take me seriously was if I painted my face.

I’ve also aggressively refused to pluck my brows. The clerk I was with yesterday convinced me that I made the right decision. Whoever “groomed” her gave her a perpetually surprised look. She probably realized the magnitude of the disastrous grooming session and decided to grow out the plucked parts so now she has something akin to stubble on the wrong part of her face.

I must admit, it was a lot easier not to care about my looks when I was younger. Seventeen years of lack of sleep, lack of exercise, and regular McDonalds fixes have joined forces to ruin my skin quality and create dark continents under my eyes.

The dark circles around my eyes are the hardest to ignore. They’re like the hole in the ozone layer. They grow larger every year. Fellow online workers who share the same look are considering putting up a Panda Look-Alike Society. Why pandas and not raccoons? Because we now also have the girth to match pandas, thanks to our bad eating habits and sedentary work.

A few weeks ago I thought I found the solution to the negative evolution of my facial looks. I bought a product that promised to take care of the 7 signs of skin aging in just 7 days. The product ad said nothing about doing cartwheels or replacing my daily diet with generous helpings of grass so in the guise of scientific testing, I gave in to my sudden attack of vanity and bought it. Seven days later, I looked like I aged 7 days.

Perhaps the product only works for folks who don’t get exposed to the sun, who sleep 15 hours a day and who thrive on wheat sticks. For the rest of us regular folks we only have three choices to look good: pluck eyebrows and put on makeup; live healthy lifestyles and look for golden flowers to sing to like Mother Gothel.

I still refuse to pluck my eyebrows so I’ll try exercise next week.


  1. Amen. No job will ever force me to use eye liner. Or lipstick.
    Oh and F%$@ double standards.

  2. Haha. You're lucky not to have experienced mandatory makeup. The makeup was really difficult for me...

  3. yes i did. Many times as a child for every program, recital and sometimes parties my mother could hold me down long enough to paint my face till it was practically stiff.
    Guess just how I feel about it now.

  4. "paint my face till it was practically stiff" Oww that must have been awful :D but i think for some stage presentations, that's a requirement right? otherwise you'd look like a pale ghost on stage

  5. It borders on child abuse I tell ya! WHY WOULD ANY CHILD WEAR SUCH THICK AND BRIGHT LIPSTICK!
    Some crazy women who enter their infants in baby pageants (the horror!) actually put makeup on their baby faces! Call UNICEF!


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