Sunday, March 13, 2011

How The Fortress Was Won... By FB

It felt like I was the last person standing. While the world around me succumbed to the siren song of the curly-haired demigod of geekiness Mark Zuckerberg, I built an anti Facebook fortress where the mere mention of Join, Like or Connect were punishable by beheading.

Last week, a small hole in my wall finally let the virus that is FB in and life as I knew it has never been the same. My former student, Bianca, says my being in FB is the equivalent of the Berlin Wall falling.

The first few days seemed almost like standing trial for crimes against humanity. Those who knew me well enough expressed such great surprise that I was convinced I committed murder. I killed my image... er... principles, I meant my principles.

Of course my friends are all happy that they can now get updates of what I eat, think and the amount of fat I've put on since high school but I still feel like writing a ten-page defense.

I need to be in FB because online work is how I put food on the table, send my kid to school and keep the Bureau of Internal Revenue happy. Anyone who's worked online for a living knows that lighting incense and offering baskets of eggs on the altar of FB's creator is part of the gig. Competing services and products who already have one million Likes will kill you if you don't have you're own page to gather your friends and stalkers.

So how cool is a job that let's you work in FB? At first it's as cool as drinking tea in the middle of the Sahara. I don't just interact with friends, I also create and manage Facebook pages. Finding out where all the buttons, features and functions are and what they do is like reading directions to the comfort room in hieroglyphics in the middle of a maze.

The first time I jumped into the morass of social media, I found myself screaming in the halls of a virtual sanitarium, "...Bleep... you Facebook! Go to ...bleep... Facebook!"

My second attempt left me temporarily immobile after 8 hours of trying to decipher geek speak for Like boxes.

My third try killed the nerves in my eyes but not before I managed to create the first FB page I owned with enough bells and whistles to cause brain damage.

Now that that's done, the next step for me is to figure out the delicate dynamics between Google and Facebook and why Mark Z doesn't seem to be in speaking terms with the big G. I need to figure this out because some online properties have reportedly been caught between the exchange of bad blood and male bovine manure between the two giants.

Yay, it sure is fun to be in FB.


  1. Haha, no need to commit harakiri Ma'am over being on facebook. I manage to maintain my principles by only accepting friend requests from people I actually know and not using it as a substitute for human relationships and conversation.
    I think facebook only becomes a problem/cultlike when you can't go through one day without "liking" something, reading inane updates and expecting people to comment on your facebook status all the time.

    It's bad when people post inappropriate things like a death in the family, but what's worse are the people who send their condolences via facebook ( which are "liked" by other people).

    If it's any consolation, I'll still read your blog religiously and I promise not to ever poke you on facebook. ;D


    P.S. Here's a funny Joke about FB:
    FB is like prison. You write messages on walls and you get "poked" by strangers. ;P

  2. gasp! people send condolences in FB? yikes. welllll... i guess if someone posts about a death in the family it can get kinda awkward if no one says anything back...

    Ha! love the prison analogy...

    thanks Mary, you've made me feel better really :)

  3. There must have been fanfare and fireworks when family and friends welcomed you to FB, Ma'am. ;-) While I have currently deactivated my own FB account, I know the FB world has become a better place because you're in it. We honestly need more sensible people in there. I'll try to find you the moment I reactivate... =)

  4. Haha. Thanks Miracle... I hope I survive FB. :)

  5. I've heard that the demigod of geekiness refused to sell FB to big G. Maybe, big G is trying to monopolize the "search engine" arena. That's probably why they took over youtube too.


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