I hear about them all the time. Those women who say they feel absolutely wonderful when they're pregnant. I wish for at least one day that I could relate to what these women feel because pregnancy for me is 8 months of grueling distress, like 8 months of daily colonoscopy, 8 months of being suspended on a hand glider or 8 months of being suspended by Google.
I shouldn't be complaining. After all, I wanted baby #2. My agonized whining would also be a slap on the faces of many of my acquaintances who would readily give me a million neck rubs so they could suffer in my stead and have babies. But I can't help it. Why me? It's like getting picked in a lottery you don't want to win.
It all begins when I wake up in the morning and an invisible pump suddenly starts forcibly drawing out the contents of the deep well that is my gut. I throw up nothing but for a moment, it feels like my entrails would like to go ahead and take the place of that nothing. I eat so I can have something to throw up. If my previous pregnancy is any indication, I'd probably be in this state for the entire duration it takes my little one to form ten toes, ten fingers and the gray matter that fourteen years from now will acquire the potential to challenge a mother's reasoning and break her heart.
But my frequent voiding from the opposite hole is not my only problem. My last pregnancy introduced me to the discomforts of regular infections. I am beginning to show clear signs of my first one today. They say it's all because of my rising sugar levels. That's why I have to limit my food intake. How in hell am I supposed to limit my intake more when I vomit everything?
Through this all, my patient, enduring husband takes care of everything--- the laundry, the cooking, the washing, the cleaning, the toddler and the earning. Maybe it's logical to first fall madly, deeply in love with each other before deciding to get married and have babies because the challenges can break apart those less attached.
Right now I keep telling myself that this is what I want. What I really want to say is, somebody help me!